About Aimee

This is me
My name is Aimee
I am 25.
I have Naturally red hair.
I am a wife
I am a mommy
I have 4 beautiful babies
I am so loved.
I am Needed and Wanted
I am Enough
and I am Beautiful.

Everyday I make sure to tell my kids how beautiful they are and how much I love them.

I feel its the most important thing and that they should never question it.
Here is my 5 year old daughter
and a clip of my son.

My son knows his freckles are Beautiful.
He knows he is. He tells his sisters they are everyday.
My other 2 dont talk yet but smile and give me hugs everytime I tell them.

For me growing up, I remember two times I was told that I was loved.

I don't remember once being told that I was beautiful.

Not even on my wedding day. Sure from people walking through the receiving line, but everyone says that to the bride. But never from my siblings or my parents. I have always had a hard time with the way I look. I have never had good self esteem. Maybe its because of that, but maybe it also has to do with what I was told from as long as I can remember. From kids in Elementary even up till high school. From people I didn't really know to even close friends. Comments like "Oh maybe if you wore more make up you would be pretty"  " Maybe if you had a different color of hair you would be pretty". Those things stick. As soon as I was old enough I wore as much makeup as I could. Seriously I look like a clown in some pictures.  I had my hair every color you can think of. But It still didn't make me feel better on the inside. And then all of a sudden it was cool to have red hair. Everyone would start to say how pretty it was and how they loved it but when you hear the opposite for 16+ years, you don't believe it.

No matter who says what to my kids, I want them to never question the way they look at themselves because they are told everyday how much they are beautiful and loved without question.

I feel like I'm not good enough. With anything I do and especially with the way I look. 

I can't look in the mirror without wanting to cry half the time.

I have tried to feel "pretty". I can't stand even trying most of the time because I feel like its not worth it. I have gone days without makeup and my hair is usually in just a ponytail.

Mylee though is the sweetest and everyday tells me how beautiful I am. I always say thank you and tell her how beautiful she is. She is my sweet angel. I am so thankful for her. It helps to hear it but she is just 5. My Sweet Landon is now 3 and started to say it too. He will tell me how Beautiful my hair is and my face and my freckles.  I push it aside because they are just saying it because I say it to them.

BUT when Mylee said awhile back "Come here Mommy I want to see your beautiful face" It made me realize something..... No matter what my size is, no matter what I'm wearing or how my hair/makeup is..... No matter what the world thinks of how I look, I have NEVER felt more beautiful then I do as a mother. Whether I'm nursing my baby or huge and pregnant, I would take that look any day over the size I was in high school.
No matter what anyone else thinks.

People make the comments "I hate being pregnant" "look what it did to my body" "my body will never be the same" "your huge, are you sure your not having twins" "oh you poor thing"  With the way the world sees it, pregnancy is so negative. Motherhood even sometimes with people saying "those are all yours?
You must be busy, tired, etc" you get the jist of that.
(My 4th baby belly :))

I think its the most amazing thing and most beautiful thing in the world! I am doing the most selfless thing I can do for those 9-10months. I am giving up my body to grow and nourish an absolute miracle! I wouldn't have it any other way. Isn't what happens to your body worth the outcome of having that beautiful child forever?  Not how the world looks at it at all.  And then mothering and nurturing that child forever. Having their love forever!
I for one dont care about those sleepless nights and those loads of laundry and dishes in the sink. Far too soon they will be gone and I know I will miss it.

Most don't realize what a lasting affect their negative comments have on others, whether they were "joking" or meant it, it still hurts. It still stings. And I dont understand why someone would joke about someone at their expense.

I even had a lady recently that saw my stretch marks and to my face said how nasty they were and she would die if her stomach looked the way mine did!  

and someone say that girls were only pretty/Beautiful if they had long hair. That girls were never meant to have short hair and they would physically DIE if they got cancer and had their hair fall out.  

For instance

I was unpacking and looked through all my middle school and high school yearbooks. Almost EVERY single thing written by boys in every single book had something to do with Fire crotch, I hate you, your ugly, stay stupid, you stupid mormon,etc....and that is why I hated school and hated myself. 

Not only were these kids and teenagers this mean in person, They actually WROTE IT IN MY YEARBOOK! I could post a ton more of these and actually TAG most of them and I bet some don't even remember it. Maybe they do????

Some have said to rip the pages out but there are nice notes throughout also.
So I got a Sharpie, to just cover them up, yet I still haven't been able to cover those mean words....those mean words did get me to where I am today. Maybe some day I will be able to cover them up. I know it doesn't make sense, It doesn't to me either.

Interesting enough, some friends have married these guys since then and I wonder if they know how mean their husbands used to be. I hope and pray they dont talk to their wives the way they used to talk to me.

Some comments when I posted this on Facebook stunned me. Saying they were shocked people were so mean. Some of these from the girls who were just as mean.

Do they really not remember the hurt they caused?

What was going on with them in their life that they had to ruin mine?

Anyways even after all this....

After I decide that my kids think Im Beautiful and I start thinking I am because for years my husband has told me and I never believe him because he literally was the only one that told me I was and literally saved me when we met at age 16 in high school.....

 some things happened.

Some horrible horrible things I wouldn't wish on anyone.

(Maybe one day I will elaborate on that since I know it more common then anyone realizes, just everyone is afraid of talking about it.)

Some things were done, some thing were said and I was left to feel more horrible then I had ever felt.

My kids were literally the only ones keeping me alive.

After counseling and some other events I decided I was going to be happy for my kids.

That NO ONE could take that away from me.

I wish I could go back and tell that to my 5 year old self and my 8 year old self and my 15 and 17 year old self and so on.  

 I look at my children and can't imagine telling them otherwise. My poor 5 year old self. I just want to go back and hug her and tell her she is Beautiful.

 But it happens far too often in this world kids are mean and if we don't reinforce their beauty they will start believing the negative of the world.

So here I am today.

The reason for starting this.

Im still working on this believe me.

It was hard writing my own poster.
 It took a long time to write those words.

But it was also very freeing in a way.
I NEVER want anyone to feel an ounce of what I have felt.
I hope everyone will do this with me.

I hope everyone will know that even though we know we are Beautiful
we are not being Self centered

and full of ourselves.

There is a HUGE difference in saying

 "I AM BEAUTIFUL" and knowing everyone is vs. "I AM BETTER LOOKING THEN YOU"

So as we find that Beauty in ourselves, No matter what the number is on the scale, no matter what our hair color is and no matter how short or long our hair is,
 I hope we also tell our children.

Because if they are getting told those things at school and we are not reinforcing the truth, they will end up like me and so many others, not knowing we are worth anything, not knowing we are Beautiful and not knowing who we are,
 and  not being able to think a positive thing about ourselves . 

Feeling that we are nothing simply because of the way we look and what others have told us what our worth is. 

So please please please

Tell your children.

Tell yourself that you are Beautiful

Believe that you are

KNOW that you are!